Accepting One’s Freedom (Mine,Hers,God’s)
Since I have been here in Denmark, I have had time to review lots of parts of my life. My self-defintions, my ex-relationships, my choices and unmade choices. I have thought about racism and being childless. I have thought about what it means to live under another flag other than that of the USA’s Old Glory. I have taken up with new British and German authors. I have slowed down to a crawl, trying to find my new calling and set up shop. I have married and discovered how different I am in this legal state that I was when I was married in a Holy Union–same devotion, maturer person. I find myself thinking about how I handled things in the past and about how I am balancing my presentation in the world with smiles and wonder, yet a sense fo isolation now that my old friends are far away, and new friends of my age and measure are more difficult to nurture. My rhythms, my exposure to new music and new movies in other languages exceeds my expectations. I have just taken it all on and stripped away the shield that once did not admit my capacity for embarrasment or self-exposure. I do not know what new challenges I will meet daily, but I find I must keep affirming my transformation and changes are here and now, and I must fight against old rising grudge thoughts or memories of times that hurt unlike now. But most of all I have try not to be afraid of who I am becoming and have cdompassion on who I was. This is a little convoluted, but my point is freedom to be reborn does not come cheaply or without a tussle. Prayer, meditation, and my bewloved’s love and encouragement aid me. Thank you God, help me in my weakness. Here’s a reading that I gave recently on All Expert.com
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Subject: Ex–as king of your heart–I don’t think so
Question: I saw my ex yesterday and he’s dating a new girl. The last time I saw he was dating a different girl. We had a pretty bad break up but despite what happened between us, I still care for him. Sometimes I feel like there are signs that we may get back together but it may be all in my head. Like the other day our big boss approached me to congratulate bec. he thought I just got married to my ex. I don’t know why he would think that but he said, he saw my name somewhere and took the last name of my ex. So it’s kinda weird for me. Will we ever get back together? His name is HCz born on dec 17,1978 and my name is VJB born on april 18,1981. Hope you can help me out, I still miss him and hoping we still have a chance. God bless and more power!
Answer: Dear, dear J–
It’s perfectly okay to still love someone after breaking up with them. You are not guilty. You are human. But I wonder if you have thought about what issues there were for you two and if you will encounter them again ? and if so, have you new skills or insight as to how you will deal with them?
You make a couple of big assumptions. One that he has been dating others unsuccessfully and maybe what you had was therefore better or he has been unable to find something he had in you. And you think or wish him to come back. You are fanticizing about the possibility of a reunion and you are adding projection to it, by thinking there are “signs” that you and he might be turning toward each other again, especially since the boss asked about you two as a married couple. I understand. I have been there. It’s a painful place to be.
It’s hard to want someone and not know if they want you or think about you as you think about them. But you are in your thirties now, and it’s not the same game of “try and fly” as it was when you were a teen. It is not “shop and drop” as in the twenties. In the 30s it’s more “get real and deal with what you feel.” Because time is wasting. In seven years, you’ll be 40, do you want to spend the time hoping for a love that was problematic and which has had it’s season and taught you what you needed to learn? or do you want to really think about what you need and what you are dreaming of having with someone?
The “dark night of the soul” is an expression that is meant to talk about the agonies of break-up or grief. It’s when you suffer from heart-break and doubts about what you could have done or should have done or could have done. It’s all that backwards looking to understand what you did wrong or why it was this way or that. But life happens as it does and we are meant to move with the Spirit, to let go when it hurts too much to stay.
I invite you now, based on three cards I pulled for you after prayer, to think about what you want and need from life. What kind of person are you? What are your interests and passions? What is your purpose? These would be the things to ask of yourself during this dark night of the soul that sends you reeling backwards in you rmind and heart. I am told that the devil makes us look back–to the past–so we can’t see what God has for us up ahead. The “Hermit” card was your past–it says you have been looking back too much. It’s time to regroup, ask of yourself those questions above.
The “Fool” (present)card is a lover’s card which usually says “go for it,” take the leap, follow your heart. But in this case, yours was upside down. It means you’ll just fall into the same trap and fail to grow or even learn from your mistakes (and his). You two are growing in different ways at different rates. So, no, I do not think you are due for another round.
However, you have free will and you can pursue him–ask him to come back–if he continues to be your obsession. You are allowed. As I said above, you’re human.
Your final card (future), was the King of cups, it shows a man isolated on a rock in an ocean trying to invite many fish to come to him. He is a king but he has no land, no command, only the hard place of his ideas about love and being close. He is drunk or high on his own fantasy of what he thinks he wants and deserves. This card is also upside down. His world is just that way. He is older but not as mature as you. Acts like a teen, or a 20 something. It was noticeable that you did not tell me what he felt about you and how you two broke up.
You are willing to overlook his failings, thinking his love is sufficient, but his love is immature and selfish, and he can only express himself sexually and in brags. He is simply a shadow of a fully mature man. So, no, I do not see you getting back permanently–maybe as warm friends. You still have a true attraction,but I see you as his spiritual role model. You always were his best adviser, and the feelings you have are unconditional love, but no amount of aceptance should reduce you to betraying yourself. You are due to have better, if you look forward,not back. Think on this a few days. I wish you health and wholeness, peace and insight. Shariananda,oracle
When a butterfly leaves its chrysalis, it abandons its former way of life. The transition takes time as the newly formed butterfly waits for its wings to dry. Once ready, it takes flight, leaving old ways behind as it soars freely.
Like the butterfly, I may find that my freedom from a former way of life takes time. I cocoon myself in prayer and meditation. I consciously let go of old thoughts, ideas, and habits that keep me from the full expression of who I am.
I let go of the past and live in the present. I am no longer held back by fear of failure or defeat. Through the power and presence of God within, I am free to soar through the garden of life.
For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters.—Galatians 5:13