Dear Members and Interested parties–
In the last month I came to a spiritual cross roads. I changed tracks and changed the furniture around in my inner house. It is clear that I am no longer just SDiane. My view of the world has changed as to how I will bring my body and soul through the year 2012 (when all that has been predicted for the ascension of planet earth will fall into place).
My life is getting in order by forces I do not comprehend fully but are forces that I accept as having influence and direction on it. I surrender now to something that causes me to tremble. I surrender now to something that has emphasized that I am on the right path and must set a marker in place for this transition.
In July I fell in love. It was quick and deep and surprising. My love shook me up so that I was alternately crying and laughing every day. I am still shaken. It occurred to me that I was responding to my new love as if she were a God presence. And in that I realized that she was in deed a gift from God. She brought with her a new inspiration and force for my life–no matter how long that may be–. She brought a stance for the Light of God. The Peace of God. The Love of Beauty. Things I treasure and seek to manifest daily.
I felt new, reborn, alive, and hot. Like I had been in a cool dark room and was let out into the sunshine and fresh air. I started kidding her about her name and my name, and soon I was calling myself SDiananad or something silly. But over the next few weeks, I started to hear that name speaking, coming forth like the ring of a distant bell. It was not SDianand , but something….
One day I got a piece of junk mail from someone solicting. It was from someone named Samananda. The name somehow startled me. So, I got serious. I decided to quit playing and ask Spirit exactly what was going on. By this I mean, I sat to meditate and asked the question, “What is going on? Do you want me to change my name?” As I sat, I felt a clearing in my chest.
“Seriously?” I asked. No sound. Nothing else. So I talked it over with my Love. She said, “Why don’t you ask for a sign. I said, “Good idea.” It is always nice to have a clear second voice (and she is that when she is clear, smiles).
When I next prayed and meditated, I said, “Listen, Heaven, if you want me to change my name. I am going to need a sign. I do not mean a small or guess work sign. I mean a big, unmissable, neon sign. After all, I have been carrying the powerful name SDiane for a long time, and I have gotten very used to it. It always makes people remember me, and you know how hard it was when I changed to it. I took years to get people to call me SDiane. I used to be S. Diane Bogus.(I rarely told anyone what the “S” stood for. But it was Sharon. Back then, I told heinous lies about how it came to be! I had a Sojourner Truth story. A Harry S.Truman story, and a Gertrude Stein story about its origins. I had a Tribal story,too.
Anyway, In 1980 I changed to SDiane Adamz-Bogus. That is what I am saying goodbye to. Thirty-one years (31). That is an age of ascension I think, not so far from the 33 at which Christ started his ministry. And I do believe I am a ministry in and of myself. But more about that later. The sign.
So, I wake up on October 4, 2011, and I go outside to let my sweet little doggie, Izzy, out, and lo! and behold! There is a dead crow at the side of my yard. A DEAD CROW! Holy Moses! holy Moses! I am too stultified. I begin to shake, and I am actually frightened. I know the power of crow and of raven. My medicine wheel has raven at the very top position, and my relationshjip with both species is top notch. They teach me. They call to me. they guide me. They show up to alert me. They fly all around me to let me know what’s about to occur. I call back daily when they speak to me and I speak to them always. CAW CAW CAW. I do a good crow call.
Did you know how quick and intelligent crows are? They can open cans. They can plan. They can see far, and they are excellent scavengers. You cannot sneak up on a crow. You cannot fly with crow except by permission. Now they stand for the VOID or that which is not manifest in the impenetrable darkness of eternity and no time. They are the arbiters of justice and shape-shift from one state of consciousness to another. They are the guardians of sacred law. They are really good omens but get a bad name in the movies. They let you know when a change is coming. I could tell you a lot more, but I invite you to get your hands on the Medicine Cards book from Bear Company to read up on crow. You can also see Ted Andrews books on Animals. They do teach, but mostly, if you watch crow and notice when it shows up and how and what its doing, you can teach yourself. Maybe crow will become one of your animal totem guides.
So I have a dead crow right at the side of my yard, near the stop sign, and it looks like nothing is wrong. It is spread eagle face down, with its head turned to the north and its eye open. Upon close inspection, I saw blood coming from the underside. Now, that had to be the most unusual death in the world. Crow simply is too quick to be hit by a car or killed by accident. But, apparently, it was, and I think this was a sacrifice. Crow gave its life so I could have my new name.
Yes, the answer is. Change. So, I tried on variations of Sharinanda and Shariananda. I have a friend who is a name expert. She told me that “Shari” (from yesharon) means land or field and “a” means entirely, and that “ananda” means bliss or joy . That was not so far from SDiane, which means fertile flower in the field of God. So, I have just internalized SDiane and externalized Shari– part of my name that came from my legal first name that is on my original birth certificate. Now, all along in my various journals I had been writing that I was thinking of changing myname. I had started to try Shariananda on.
That day, the day of the dead crow, I took it to heart. I declared that as the name change day. I am now Shariananda, a being who resonates to the music in the word. It is like a gave myself permission to be all my love and all my power. I gave myself permission to walk my path and change as needful. I do not see the way clearly, but i am feeling my way along with help from the spirit world and nature as I understand it. The Saturday following the name change Tuesday, I got a call to come out and serve as chaplin for a Suicide Prevention Marathon Walk for awareness. That cemented it.
I feel I am more than an oracle now. I am a portal. I am a doorway through which energies flow; some of them not my own but my angelic host and the forces of Good unseen may use me, and I have given permission. I feel calmer, stable, sweeter, nicer, warmer, better. I feel anchored and complete. I feel settled and peaceful. I feel strange not to be SDiane. I am used to it, but already it seems like another person. I am somewhat shocked at the ease and suddenness of my shift from SDiane to Shariananda, but so it is. I will make it legal soon.
For now, I just let you all know what is what. I can say that the reception at my church, in the chat room, from my friends, and even from my relatives has been pleasant . I think they are used to my deviate nature by now. I am a free spirit and I have been seeking myself and God a long time. I am coming home to God in my new love, and to myself in my new name. Bless me to the work that the name calls me to and calls from me. I am a servant of the Most high, Shariananda. Leave me any response you wish.